The Proust Questionnaire
On Honesty, Fountain Pens, and Al Roker
The Proust Questionnaire has been a parlor game favorite since the 19th century, designed to reveal the inner workings of its participants through a series of deceptively simple questions. Marcel Proust himself answered variations of these questions twice in his lifetime, and the contradictions between his responses say as much about human nature as the answers themselves.
In the spirit of the vulnerability I've been advocating for in this space, I decided to subject myself to the same scrutiny. What follows is my attempt at honest self-examination – the good, the uncomfortable, and the slightly ridiculous (yes, that Al Roker comment requires explanation, but you'll have to ask me directly). Consider this both confession and invitation: these are the kinds of questions that reveal not just who we are, but who we're becoming.
Personal Qualities & Ideals
What is your idea of perfect happiness? Relaxing on the beach with my wife, listening to the waves crash and the sound of our loved ones frolicking around us
What is your greatest fear? Not being able to take care of myself when I'm older.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Not asking for help when needed.
What is the trait you most deplore in others? Lack of self-awareness.
Which living person do you most admire? My mother.
What is your greatest extravagance? Luxury experiences and fountain pens.
Preferences & Tastes
What is your current state of mind? Relaxed.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Stoicism.
On what occasion do you lie? When I meet an ugly baby.
What do you most dislike about your appearance? My belly
Which living person do you most despise? Al Roker (don't ask!)
What is the quality you most like in a man? Vulnerability.
What is the quality you most like in a woman? Vulnerability.
Life Philosophy
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? "Like" and "radar."
What or who is the greatest love of your life? God, followed by my wife.
When and where were you happiest? Recently, camping in Malibu with my wife and dogs.
Which talent would you most like to have? The ability to sing.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Being better about staying in contact with friends and family.
What do you consider your greatest achievement? Persevering.
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? A person. Preferably, a member of the House of Lords.
Final Reflections
Where would you most like to live? London.
What is your most treasured possession? My mother's fountain pen from when she was in school in the 1960s.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Lack of community.
What is your favorite occupation? Detective.
What is your most marked characteristic? My boisterous laugh.
What do you most value in your friends? Their presence.
Who are your favorite writers? Tim O'Brien, Kurt Vonnegut, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Percival Everett.
Who is your hero of fiction? William Stoner (Stoner by John Williams)
Which historical figure do you most identify with? John Adams
Who are your heroes in real life? My mother, the late Clarence Norman, and the late Desmond Tutu.
What are your favorite names? Alexander and Naomi.
What is it you most dislike? A bad meal.
What is your greatest regret? Not learning about my ADHD diagnosis earlier.
How would you like to die? With loved ones around me.
What is your motto? "Every day preach and teach the Gospel, and if you have to, use words."